Great, we are always looking for followers! We are glad you
take on the commitment. The electron is our one true savior
and his blessing is crucial to your everlasting soul. But this
comes at a steep price, 100% commitment at all times to the
electron, and more importantly you congregation leader who
speaks on behalf of the electron.
The first step in gaining admission to the congregation is
simple, make yourself known and take a bold step to prove your
commitment. This first step is to run into Professor David
Newman's office (112 Reichart) naked and commence to do 100
jumping jacks while singing "I'm a little Teapot" at the top
of your lungs. He must be in his office for this to count! If
he finds this satisfactory he will become your personal sensei
in your training to serve the single electron. This training
is exhaustive and will try your mind, body, and soul. After
six months of training you are sent alone into the woods on a
vision quest to meet the electron. If the vision quest is
successful and you see the electron then you move on to the
last step of admission. After six months of training
under sensei Newman and your vision quest you are ready for
the secret commitment ceremony. Training is $1,000 dollars.
After this all you must do to serve the electron and generally
do what ever I say and pay the weekly $20 dues.
Congratulations on making the right decision. Welcome aboard!